Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
