It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
