The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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