The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am available for nakedness
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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