Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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