If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
