So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
