At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
