My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
