theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
