It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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