My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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