Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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