I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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