I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
