We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Farmville is her only friend.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
