Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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