so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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