well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
