nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
