batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
