Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
