My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
