So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize