How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
