You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
