She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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