Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
