And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
