I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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