You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He shit in the fireplace
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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