you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
