Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
