Non-Jews are for practice
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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