From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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