I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
