I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
