I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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