How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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