Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
