You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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