ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
