please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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