break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
