So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize