dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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