Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
