So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
