You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
