Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
