He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
