Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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