Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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