you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
