HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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