ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
