Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
