Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
