So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i love accidental penises.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
