a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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