i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
