Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
