so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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