in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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