I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
another moral hangover. fuck.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
