happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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