I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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