I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
