i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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