we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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