I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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