It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
