I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize