I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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