After last night, I could never be a politician.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
