my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
